This has been an odd sort of month for me full of ups and downs. It’s my last “free month” before returning to Kaplan, so I’m trying to get a bunch of things out-of-the-way from visiting friends to doctor’s visits. I pulled out the yarn time and time again to try to make something for friends, old requests, and save my sanity.

The problem is that my sanity is ripped to shreds. 

One of the things that has been eating at me this month is how utterly alone I feel from time to time. Most entrepreneurs I know go through this, which helps because others out there know. Those few groups I belong to, though, don’t understand what I’m doing. It’s not marketing, consulting, copywriting, or a tech startup. What we’re doing at Insanitek is completely different from most other startups, and vastly different from any solopreneur adventure. There are many days I feel listless and no one to talk to that would understand.

Not that I haven’t tried. I try to meet people halfway, but they all seem to want to sell me something. I don’t want to buy anything. I want an understanding ear. A cheerleader. Someone to talk me off the ledge. Someone to talk me out of quitting for a mindless day job that pays a measly $12/hour that would take these worries away. I need someone to tell me how to get out of this growing shadow of frustration that’s rendering me useless.

It’s not always easy to find someone who understands, but that doesn’t mean to give up. Just keep talking about your worries to people you know. Getting it out of your mind and into the open helps. What helps even more is that it can help you gain some distance on the problem and even a different perspective. It may not be the huge chunk of help you’re looking for, but it will be the type of help you need.

And now I’m opening up to you. 

The things that have been tearing my sanity asunder are diverse. The first one is that my fiancé, who works a full-time job at Tuttle Aluminium and Bronze to make our dreams come true and this startup possible, is becoming extremely abusive. For the last month he’s had to tape up his wrists and hands to prevent the carpel tunnel from getting worse as he welds. It doesn’t help much, as it keeps getting worse. He needs a break.

They won’t give him a break because they screwed up in the office and over promised on jobs they can’t deliver.

This is normal, but this isn’t what set off every red flag in the book. They said they needed to keep production up on the line to one rail every 30 minutes. They were operating at 1 rail every 26 minutes. The guys on the floor are exhausted, but happy with that accomplishment. At least until the floor supervisor came up and start verbally abusing them, calling them names, and demanding they pick up the pace.

Travis nearly walked out then and quit his job. He has another lined up, but it doesn’t start for a couple of weeks and it doesn’t pay enough to pay the bills. That would leave me with having to put less into Insanitek and more into just surviving. I wouldn’t have had a problem with that, but it’s worrisome that our survival is on that thin of a thread.

All this has me questioning. 

It’s not like we don’t have options at home.

Really, these are the only three choices I can see right now. And, clearly, the last two have my vote more than the first one does. Although I’m scared of marketing — I’ve never been a huge fan of talking about things I’m doing — it’s time I get past that. The place that I’m going to get comfortable with it is here with you and the whole of the Insanitek community. It’s time to geek out about the things that we’re doing at Insanitek and really have some fun talking about what we’re doing.

Don’t worry. I’ll geek responsibly.