It’s trite, but true.

The last few weeks have been utter hell for me, and by extension, Insanitek. Excavating my office took a week longer than it really should have. Not that I’ve found half the work stuff, but enough has been excavated to limp by. That, shockingly, is enough for now.  It is what it is because the chaos goes beyond this, to a more visceral reason why things aren’t happening smoothly. My father died, and I’ve been coming to terms with the fact while slowly unpacking. My father and I may not have always been close. We argued a bit, we disagreed — then agreed to disagree and move on. We laughed, we talked, and rolled our eyes at each other. We had a very typical dad-daughter relationship. I was his little girl, and he was my over protective father that taught me how to handle both guns and knives in order to protect myself — all while fretting that I’d hurt myself.

Every day that passes I unpack something and smile because it reminds me of him. The stack of Father’s Day cards I bought years ago so I wouldn’t forget to get them, the pocket knife he gave me when he taught me how to whittle — along with my current atrocious looking blob that I really should give up on. The poems that he encouraged me to write as a teen — but I cringe at now for the terrible emo writing. They are part of me, and yet part of him. I can’t separate the two, and it hurts with every box I open.

It just is what it is.

We all go through this at some point in our lives. OK, maybe not moving at the same time as dealing with a loved one dying, but there are hard times throughout life that we must rebound from in our own ways. It is because we must deal with things in our own way that there are so many experts out there to help people. They all have their own style, methodology, and secret sauce that helps guide people from point A to point B on the journey. They help their clients overcome obstacles by showing them a path of least resistance.

Sadness, or any other emotion, is not an obstacle. The condolences I’ve received over the last couple weeks were/are sweet, but not really what I need. I need a swift kick in the ass when my thoughts start to stray, I wallow too much, and life starts to go backward instead of forward. I suspect that is the way it is with most people. A few days to wallow in despair, a few days to pick up the pieces, and then a swift kick in the ass to get moving again. The crying, sitting with a memory a long few moments, and remembering stories for hours on end are obstacles.

But not obstacles are worth fighting.

Personally, I like to blow up the obstacle so it isn’t a problem again.

I’m a huge fan of fighting obstacles in some way or another. You can go over them, around them, through them, under them, and more. To me, obstacles are challenges worth meeting, acknowledging, and working with or against in order to meet your task. But emotions are not an obstacle that you fight. They are a condition you embrace full and work with.

Emotions are interesting in that they range the whole gamut of possibilities. They can be a  soft whisper or a force to be reckoned with. They can distract and tear you apart or motivate and push you to new heights. And, of course, anywhere in between. Emotions, while they may seem like an obstacle, they are not. They are part of what makes up the whole person, not something to necessarily be fought.

Our reactions are the obstacle.

When I talked to my stepmum and heard the news about my dad, I was driving. I was on break between teaching clients and working with the next. I was on my way home for a quick lunch, and then going to leave to meet with the next client. I was in a traffic jam surrounded by construction, waiting somewhat impatiently for the line to move. My breath caught, and my instinct was to stop myself from crying. If I started to cry, I wouldn’t be able to see traffic, and the last thing I wanted to do was face an accident at the same time. Instead, I listened to Radine’s voice and allowed it to calm me since she was so matter of fact and calm about it. It wasn’t emotionless or cold, and you could even hear the hitch in it at one point. But it was soothing. It was the only thing I had at that moment.

I waited till I got home and closed the door before the flood of tears started. I spent the next 20 minutes on the floor crying harder than I’ve cried in a good long while. I knew that I would not be able to be everything the client needed at the time. So I stopped, called my client, and told them that I needed to reschedule and why. Life simply went on through the tears and the pain. The emotions themselves do not cause an obstacle, but rather your reaction to them.

Controlling your reactions to emotions is not always easy.  

That’s an understatement, actually. Everyone knows that controlling your emotions is next to impossible. Controlling your reactions to them is twice so. Despite of this, there are a few ways that you can overcome this obstacle so you can get yourself back on your path.

This takes time, repeated attempts to form a habit, but eventually, you’ll find that you can control your reactions to emotions somewhat. You’d have to be superhuman to control reactions to really strong emotions, but reactions to lighter emotions should be easy to manhandle so you can go about living and loving life no matter the trial.

So, from my dad, through me, to you. Don’t think of emotions as obstacles. They are part of you and make you who you are. Instead, acknowledge them, work with them, and grow with the emotions you feel.

And do me a favour. Give your dad a big hug and tell them you may not listen to them, you may argue with them a lot, and you may disagree even more. But they are still family, and that’s a lot.