One of the key tenets of walking an alt path is to take criticism with an open heart and mind, but be prepared to smile politely and do your own thing anyway. It’s hard under normal circumstances, but it is harder when it’s a client that is requesting something from you that you just don’t believe will solve a problem.

A recent example of this comes from a woman that is concerned about her child’s math understanding. Recently we have come to the ever-present order of operations, and she’s miffed that most places either teach “Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally” as a mnemonic or just use the word PEMDAS. They don’t explain the why behind the order.

I tried to tell her that it’s convention, not logic inherent to maths theory. When that tactic didn’t work, I tried to tell her that one should not simply stuff random information into a person’s brain when they already find the topic boring, and theory would bore them more so — especially when the teacher can’t explain it in a fun way that includes superheroes. (Granted, I’ll still tell the student that it is just communication convention and leave it at that.) Clearly, we have a difference of opinion, and I doubt I can sway her.

This is a subtle part of your journey you will come across.

Image, along with some standard tips for improving communication, can be found at Lifehack.org.

Any time there are two (or more) people, there will be a difference of opinions. And this difference always leads to a well-meaning discussion that could potentially derail you from your path. In this case the two opinions were a matter of balance with the child’s education. I know from experience of teaching and tutoring hundreds of kids maths and sciences that you have to know the kids before you can start shoving random information at them. It has a few criteria based on every child’s desires and needs. As a mother, she saw it as an opportunity to add another layer of education into her son’s mind. It’s quite admirable, actually, I can’t fault her for that.

And that is the key. You need to understand where the person talking to you is coming from, what they are trying to achieve, and what they are needing from you. You can’t expect them to do that at all. It takes a very mature person to see another’s point of view without emotions clouding emotions, and it is rare this every happens. That is precisely why you need to be the level-headed one and really listen to what they are saying.

No, seriously. You need to actively listen to what people are saying.

This seems counter-intuitive, especially when the conversation starts turning toward the “you need to do X, not Y” direction. It’s also really hard when it’s a loved one telling you should give up on your dream and do something a bit more expected.

Except it’s not.

What they are saying is, “I love you and want to see you safe. I’m afraid of what you’re doing. I’m afraid it’s not stable.”

You see, humans in general are evolved to play it safe. If you look at our primate cousins, most will follow the group, keeping on the low down, and not causing any issues. Then, you have the few teenage hooligans that run amok and challenge the system. They try new things and break the rules. Sometimes it turns out really good and perpetuates the species, other times it kills them.

We aren’t much different, to be honest. It takes a few of us to break the rules and show other’s it is safe before they will believe us. And it takes more than one instance of proof to really show them. It takes many people, a lot of examples, and a lot of time before something becomes safe and acceptable to our more stable counterparts.

So, what can you do about it besides listen?

Like the kids I teach above, each response depends on the needs, desires, and mind of the person. Perhaps they need case studies that you’re not the only bat-shit crazy person to do what you want to do. Perhaps they need to see a business plan. Perhaps they need a hug and a security net to know that you’re not going to abandon them.

Only you can know what they need, and you’ll find the answer when you actively listen to what they are saying.

But just because they are stating their point of view doesn’t mean you have to derail yourself from your beliefs and plans. If it was that easy, you’re heart wasn’t in it just yet and you’re not ready.