There are hundreds of trite sayings out there about failure, picking yourself back up, and getting on with it. Filling your social media feed with these motivational quotes may feel good when you look at it, you may even feel smug for a moment thinking you hold the secret in that single quote. But all the motivational posts in the world won’t take the stress and anxiety when you have to step up your game beyond that.

You need courage, not motivational posters.

There are as many potentially “scary” things as there are quotes on failure. As soon as it has value to you, you’ll find that it has the potential to scare the shit out of you when the concept of failure is overlaid on top of it. It doesn’t have to be over the top important. The most common things stress people out:

• A presentation for a grade that will make you either pass for fail
• Making a fool of yourself in front of your peers that you want to accept you — or at least not make your life difficult
• Wanting to convince a parent or teacher to give you a little extra time.
• Wanting to help a friend or loved one in a way that matters.
• Money, or other means of making life better for yourself

Basically, if the outcome delivers something you want, you’re going to feel a bit more stressed.

The answer is not to lower your benchmark.

For every single thing you can find a complaint about, there are dozens of remedies for you to choose from.

Too many times in my 37 years alive I’ve heard people say they wanted to give up or actually did give up because they “failed” and were afraid of the repercussions of trying again. Later on down the road, they lamented lost chances, things that “might have been”, and more.

Clearly, the answer is not to lower your benchmarks nor to stop trying.

The answer is to have some guts. Screw up your courage, and do it anyway.

Our innate desire to be loved and accepted, to be part of the group, to always be seen in a good light is a difficult thing to overcome.

No one is going to live life for you. You have to stand up and do for yourself. You have to put forth the effort. You need to do it now. Because no one else will. 

Let me be clear about one thing: This is for you. It’s not for anyone else. Some things will go well, other times it will feel like misery. But every time you step up to the fear and walk past it, it’s for you.

That means that when you feel the stress and anxiety creep up, you need to put yourself in your own space. In that space you need to get hold of yourself, remind yourself of why you are doing exactly what you are afraid of, and figure out a way to push yourself through the rough spots.

Easier said than done, eh?

Everyone has their own approach, but it basically comes down to this:

Step 1: Identify signs of nervousness, then accept them as just par for the course. Eventually, you should go so far as to embrace the discomfort; it means you find something valuable.

Step 2: Figure out ways to get past the fears. This is highly personal, but it’s really just a matter trial and error and a bit of role-playing with someone you trust.

Step 3: Centre yourself. You have the knowledge of what happens when you start to react to the possible failure. You have knowledge of what will help you push past it. So, centre yourself and get ready.

Step 4: Act. That’s right. Act. No one else can live your life for you, so live it yourself.

Step 5: Objectively look back and see what worked and what didn’t. It’s hard, but don’t let emotions overtake your good sense and progress.

And if you need an extra bit of help, reach out for help. Seriously, join the Insanitek community for our monthly tea time chat. Get an invite to our private channel by signing up for our newsletter where you get support and a whole slew of my best that I don’t publish on the web.

I leave you with a recent quote heard on a famous platform regarding failure. First Lady Melania Trump honoured the courage of women by having the courage. During her speech, this is what she said:

“Do not be afraid to fail. Failure will never have the power to define you as long as you learn from it and realise that your first steps always involve taking a leap of faith.” — Melania Trump, Speech at the State Department’s International Women of Courage Award luncheon in Washington, 29.March.2017 (link to video)

These words can be applied to everyone facing failure and the fear that comes from taking that first step.