Insanitek has been in real business for 2.5 years. In that time, I’ve learnt a lot. One of the most important lessons has been about defining your boundaries and sticking with it. It can save your sanity in more ways than one.

Every business consultant talks about marketing.

After listening to consultants and marketers tell you the same thing time after time, this is all you hear.
Image from everywhereisimagined on Flickr.

I’m not even joking on this one. Every. Single. Consultant. One of the first things they throw out in their blog or freebies is how you need to have a niche to sell to. And, it’s true in so far as it saves your sanity. It’s really, really easy to define and refine your message for one particular thing than many things. It saves you time, and helps you get the first customers right away.

Put it this way: I can work on both soils and education under the umbrella of Insanitek. Soils as a researcher, science teacher as an educator. Within either of these, I can choose to focus on various things. As a soil scientist, I focus on helping homeowners understand why things won’t grow, and as an educator, I focus on using an interactive journal and plenty of hands on science to make science come alive.

So doesn’t that mean I couldn’t work with businesses or teach a different way? No. It’s just that I only have time to market for one, so I chose what I thought I’d have a lot of fun doing and would make an impact with.

If that isn’t worth sanity, you’re not a normal human being.

Only real consultants talk about firm boundaries regarding standards. 

I’ve found that only consultants worth real value will stick behind your values and encourage you to follow them. They will also have their own and follow them. This is a lot gutsier to do because of fear of losing a client and the income supply that goes with it. But, in the end, you’ll feel better and your company will do better.

In the world of education, for example, we come into this sort of problem when it comes to disciplining and training the kids. I have very strong beliefs on this. We facilitate knowledge transfers, not raise your children for you. While a lot of parents love this stance, others constantly ask us to do things that they feel uncomfortable doing as parents. Things like disciplining them to take care of themselves at home.

My always patient answer is, “We can explain to them the health benefits of keeping themselves and their surroundings clean, but in the end it is up to you to motivate and discipline them.” If I need to be slightly harsher, as is sometimes the case with some, I’ll add, “We are educators, not a substitute parent for your kids.”

Frankly, I’m hoping I never have to escalate it from there. I’ve got a few lines of trying to gently reminding the clients what we do and the limits. Everything all the way up to “that is not part of our contract” and firing the clients.

Developing boundaries is easier than you think.

I’ve found that many people don’t know how to develop boundaries due to not knowing what they want, then this is followed by fear of repercussions.

The first thing is to know what you want. This is a state that is always changing as things in your life change. For example, no one wants the same thing as a teen as they did as a kid, and adults want far different things than they did when they were teens. It doesn’t matter. You need to know what makes you happy and takes you from where you are right now to where you want to be.

If you’ve been living life for everyone else for a while, chances are pretty good you’ve forgotten what it is that you really find joy in and what you really want, let alone know how to focus on it. Let’s change that.

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Now you need courage.

This is the second part of the equation you need. Every step along the way you’re going to find amazing people, average people, and those that will make you want to quit.

You’re going to need courage to remind yourself and everyone that the path you laid in front of you in the first step (just above) is what you’re going to stay true. This is really trying under the best of circumstances, and in some of the worst situations you can embarrass yourself and damage your business or life efforts.

Ever fire off an email full of typos? That’s minor compared to firing back an email full of anger.

What I find works is making a list of every demand that people have made of you that makes you feel uncomfortable. Think:

This is a time when negative thoughts come in handy.

Here’s a very recent example from working with a client here: Over the winter we had a horrible storm. It wasn’t so awful as it would bury us for a couple of days, but it was bad enough that I could trust my car to get me there and back safely — the breaks really need to be fixed, and it’s just not that great on snow. I knew I’d have to leave the meeting early, and the mother threw a tantrum, then she lied to me saying the roads were fine. The things that this could potentially impact were my safety, health, finances, and more — if I were to get into an accident. Health from damned near panicking as my car slid dangerously close to a ditch, at the very least.

Make sure you have a policy in place for each one of the situation. Make sure it is clear and written down with possible solutions along with each one. Then, be prepared to negotiate without crossing your own boundaries.

In this case I prorated the time I was working with her kid to leave 15 minutes early. And I made it home while dodging only one accident. I also had to remind her that she drives an all-weather SUV, while I do not. Still, after she threw a tantrum, I told her my health and safety was not an option, and if she was willing to risk it for 15 minutes when we were already finished, then I was done working with her and her child.

In my case, I state what is going to happen and what I’m willing to concede. If there is room for negotiation (my health and safety does not leave room for negotiation), then I will negotiate. If things need to go to the next level, it goes to the next level. But, I’m never willing to cross my own boundaries to make myself miserable.

Your way of doing things will be infused with your personality. You can be more gentle than I am or more harsh. There are plenty of client matches for people of all personalities and flairs. The key is to be consistent while holding your boundaries.

What are your ways of sticking to your boundaries with friends, family, clients, and beyond? Share in the comments!